Walp, my Intuos broke.
Luckily, I had the foresight to purchase a protection plan on it so I just get to walk my happy butt down to the store and get it replaced. Thing isn't even a year old and it already failed.
I mean, it was a long time coming to fail - it stopped working with its wireless capability and could only be operated while I was plugged in with its charging cord. Now, it won't even read pressure of any sort. Call this first world problems, but I gotta have that pressure read.
I'll get back to art'ing once I have that sucker replaced!